Guilt...

"Hello...

I didn't think you'd reply. I think I hoped you wouldn't. No, that's heartless of me. Lets pretend everything dandy. I'm fine, thanks for asking. You asked how everybody is. A little vague, you mean the family? Want the truth? I thought not. They are all fine, then.

Yes, it has been a while. What? Did you expect me to start writing weekly after you went in? Would that have pleased you, well, sorry, I didn't. Why should I have? To make you happy. Forgive me, I should have done that ages ago, shouldn't I.

God forgive me for not making YOU happy.

Oh, you miss the world. The drink, you mean? Or the world in general? You miss the others. I bet you do! Forget it. You're such an idiot! Jerk. Oops, I'm SORRY, did I upset you???

T.L.J"

Wow, proud of myself babe! I never thought I'd have the fortitude to write that out, let alone envelope it, carry it the twelve meters down the road to the corner, and put it in the box. But I did.

I was so angry, SO ANGRY! My blood was beating when I wrote it, and my hand was shaking. God, I feel so guilty.

Hasn't he got enough to...No. I am not going down that line. He deserved what he got. I should read his letter over and over and work myself back into a rage. i can't let myself feel guilty. What did I do? Nothing. Nothing!

I just have to think of his face. His red hair laughing at me. And the smile on his lips. What did I ever see in that man. Stupid. It's all stupid.

I have nothing to feel guilty about.

I'm going for a walk. Find some peace, meditate, close my mind to this whole damn mess.